three. it's the end of the summer as we know it (and i feel fine).

Growing up and living in Minnesota has taught me one thing for sure and that's that August is another word for State Fair.

If you aren't from this state, you may not be aware that the entire state stops for the Minnesota State Fair.

To call it a big deal would be laughable. And in case you think I might be joking, check the attendance records and the Wikipedia page about The Fair. It's the second largest only outdone by Texas (enter "everything's bigger than Texas" response) and last year it reached the 2 million mark for overall attendance over the twelve days.

When I say that the state stops for The Fair, I truly mean it. Snow rarely shuts us down, this past winter being an exception (#nopolarvortex2020), and many folks don't ever take tornado warnings all that seriously since our weatherfolks like to cry wolf. But this huge Americana event? Stop. The. Presses. It's. The. Fair. Most businesses know that traffic is slow or else it's time for the State Fair Specials!!!

In fact, all of the local news stations have their broadcasts of every news from The Fair, so news really isn't news. It's all about the magical things that are happening within the confines of the fairgrounds, from cows to cheese curds, butter sculptures to bungee rides. I'd like to know what actually is happening in my state, nation, and the world when I do happen to tune in, so to see multiple pans of fair-goers in the stands and anchors eating food that probably exceeds a single day's calorie count... meh. I'll tune back in on September 3rd.

Now, typically, as a Minnesotan, you land in one of three categories:

1. OHMYGERD IT'S THE FAIR!!!!!!!!!!
2. I don't get the big deal. I've been once, I hate the crowds, it's too expensive, it's not worth it unless there's someone decent playing the Grandstand, and I'll avoid Roseville and Snelling Ave. at the end of August. Absolutely not.
3. I'm indifferent. / I'll go if someone else is going. / I'm not from here originally so I get an automatic pass. / RenFest is 100% better.

Don't get me wrong. I used to be a lover of all things State Fair. But that was before I made my own money for a living. See, it's a different thing if you're spending your parent's money for the bucket of cookies and other foods that are terribly overpriced. When it's your own hard-earned money, especially when you don't have, at least what most would consider, an "actual" job, the Fair becomes something that you have to decide if you're setting money aside to participate in. 

People come from every corner of Minnesota down to the Twin Cities and it's almost like a kind of religious ceremony. Waking up bright and early, just to be one of the first in line to get ridiculously unhealthy and extremely greasy food on a stick at 8:00am. And the grease continues until the wee hours of the night, or at least until the fireworks at the Grandstand.

So. Why am I talking about all of this on my rideshare comedy blog?

Because The Fair is an opportunity of all sorts of epic proportions.

Sure, there are many free Park and Ride spots all over the Twin Cities and the suburbs to shuttle people to and from The Fair. But, if you're smart, you'll spend the extra few dollars that you would've spent on Midway tickets, for games that you won't win anyway, on a ride with Lyft. We'll take you right to The Fair, we'll pick you up at the end of the long day on your feet the entire time, and we'll bring you right to your doorstep at home. No fuss, no muss. 

Yesterday I only was graced with two rides that were Fair related and that's mostly because I ended my day somewhat early. But beyond that, I also had conversations about The Fair with mostly all of my other passengers. See, it's that big of a deal. Even people who don't really talk that much want to talk about The Fair.

I do have to mention two superstar standouts that I had in my backseat yesterday.

The first was a woman who... has to be the all-time Lyft champion of champions. This woman in Bloomington, we'll call her Jean, maybe was 70ish or so. Once I picked her up, I noticed from my app that this would be a two-stop ride. We were going maybe... two miles from her house and then back to her house. 

"So we're gonna go to Walgreen's, MGM Liquor, and the drug store. They're all on the same corner." 

Sure enough. I take her to Walgreen's so she can get cigarettes, MGM so she can get some kind of liquor, and Bloomington Drug to get her prescription, as well as a bit of lotion from a sample bottle that she quote, "wouldn't buy but I like to make sure to get my fancy lotion in every time when I go. Makes my hands nice." 

Bringing her back to her place - and she was super friendly the entire ride - she declared she had her lawn chair out in the backyard waiting for her to enjoy the rest of her day with her new purchases.

I 100% hope to be this much of a champion when I'm 70ish. 

The second was a crazy long ride from Richfield to Orono with... a man I can only describe as a clone of Giorgio "Aliens" Tsoukalos. Or, better known as this dude:

I kid you not when I say his hair was just as high and large. And I also kid you not when I tell you that the tone for his texts were some kind of spaceship noise (and no, not Star Trek or Star Wars related, I'm enough of a geek to know all of those noises) and his ringtone was The X-Files Theme. 

He... had some interesting theories as well. He believes that traffic is caused by the stoplights at the end of our exits, not that it solves the problems (I highly disagree). His claim was that because he had to drive from Wayzata and people would be too slow after they stop at those lights before getting onto 394, that automatically all of them are the worst. 

We also got to talking about The Fair. I had mentioned to many people that yesterday was an absolutely beyond perfect day for the event. Usually, fairtime means that it's unbearable in heat and humidity. And since it's an outdoor event for the most part, which is seething with thousands of human beings, it gets to be pretty hot and sweaty and dirty in a huge crowd. The buildings that are there are not air conditioned so your best hope to cool off is getting a cold beverage, snocone or ice cream. Or ride the water raft ride again and again. But yesterday, no humidity and a high of 75? Color me jealous.

This guy though. This guy had the solution to hot Fair days. 

"I think they should have a wet t-shirt contest. You come in, you pay some fee and we'll pour water on your shirt. And you can come back again, we'll just have shirts that you can get wet over and over. And it's inappropriate too." 

And that was concluded with a laugh not unlike the laughs in Revenge of the Nerds. 

Trust me, I usually can pick up the awkwardness after a lull in a conversation, but I was so offended and unable to think of some kind of witty comeback, I just let him continue and tried to think of a topic change. Thankfully I pitched the idea of a walk-in ice castle that people could pay money to enter and walk through. That got him off-topic.

Otherwise it was a pretty normal day. I took two teens to The Fair who didn't want to wait for the bus at the Park & Ride - to be fair, they'd been told that there was a delay due to a crash with a bus on Hwy. 280, which was a serious accident and it's crazy to think about. Though I also felt extremely old when telling these kids what my favorite thing was and that The Fair is a different entity when you're no longer a teen. Ahh, aging.

Most of my passengers did agree with me on one thing though. For as wacky and somewhat obnoxious as everything surrounding The Fair can be, it is one thing that really is the "great get-together." No where else at no other time is it acceptable for 6 year olds and 60 year olds to walk around proudly with cardboard pig ear hats that say "Oink Barn" on them like Burger King crowns. You're free to just be at The Fair. If you like alligator, you can alligator it up. If you like free marketing swag, check out the Education building and get all the free swag you can handle. If you enjoy looking at large expensive farm equipment, they've got that too. If you want to get your face painted in rainbows and sparkles, guess what, also a possibility. So for as crazy as it can be with crowds, at least that's somewhat nice, especially in a world that's so bleak these days.

I'm sure I'll have many more updates in the next eleven days as I'm hoping to get the most out of The Fair that I can. And it sure it'll make interesting driving stories too when there are so many out-of-towners in town that typically are either afraid or don't like driving in "The City."